Scott: Will Manatee Still Be In Canada’s Blue Plate Special?

Opinion

By Dave Scott, 4-4-25

There’ll be no manatee and perch pie for Sunday lunch in Canada.

In a retaliatory move against Domald Trump’s tariffs Canadians will soon be unable to purchase and consume manatee meat imported from the United States it was reported by Canadian TV news this week.

Other U.S. imports the Canadian government is slapping retaliatory tariffs on according to the CTV report are:

Camel meat
Dog coats, dog food and frozen dogfish fillets
Emus and other birds, decoy birds, and explosive bird-scaring devices
Tuned handbells, church bells and fitted cases for church bells
Veils, prayer shawls and burial shrouds
Asbestos and clothing made with asbestos fibers
Toilet seats, toilet sprays and toilet brushes
False beards, eyebrows, eyelashes and wigs
Bovine semen and the tubes, pipes and hoses used for storing it
Rocket launchers, flame-throwers and grenade launchers
Snuff, rolling papers and tobacco pipes
Accordions and accordion parts
Metronomes, tuning forks and pitch pipes
Diaries, encyclopedias and sample books of textile wall coverings
Traveling circuses and menageries.

Other than a flame-thrower, there nothing on that list I’d really like to have taking up space in my garage. Shoving the business end of a flamethrower down a gopher or armadillo hole in our yard should take care of those pesky critters.

Everything else on the list appears to be items the average Canadian family can happily live without. The list, which was released Tuesday, April 1, reads like an editorial calendar for the next Ameia Island News Wrecker or is an April 1 spoof.

For a country not known for its knee-slapping humor, the Canadian list is funny. If it’s serious then the new prime minister needs to immediately call an emergency election and Donald Trump needs to rethink making that frozen northern wilderness a state.

With the exception of the late John Candy, Jim Carrey, Martin Short, and Dan Aykroyd, Canadians are not traditionally known for their knee-slapping humor. They’re mostly known for Black Diamond cheddar cheese, ales, poutine, MacIntosh’s toffee, and perch eh! At least those are the things I recall from my Canadian childhood and still consume, although not at the same time at one sitting.

The tariff tiff got me thinking about manatees, those fat ugly aquatic mammals, whose sole purpose in life is being disgustingly hideous and farting.

A manatee is like the Swedish foreign exchange student some of my well-meaning high school friends tried to convince me to take to the high school prom, because they felt sorry for her.

She was the only unattractive Swedish gal to ever emerge from that Scandinavian ice box. Well, except for the teenaged Greta Thunderbox, the one-woman Greenpeace wrecking crew. Whatever happened to that annoying little cretin?

Anyway, back to manatees.

People hereabouts are not only not allowed to eat them and other than looking at them, we’re also not allowed to touch them, chase them, or talk mean to them, much like the bouncer-enforced rules in a strip bar.

They are protected by things named the Marine Mammal Protection Act of 1973 and the Florida Manatee Sanctuary Act of 1978. According to these acts – and I’m not making this up – it is illegal to feed, harass, harm, pursue, hunt, shoot, wound, kill, annoy or molest manatees. The not-to-do-to-a-manatee list also includes:

Giving food or water to manatees, or using food or water to attract manatees
Separating a mother and calf
Disturbing manatee mating herds
Pursuing or chasing manatees either while swimming or with a vessel
Disturbing resting manatees
Hitting, jumping on, standing on, holding on to or attempting to ride manatees
Blocking a manatee’s path
Fishing for or attempting to hook or catch a manatee
Taking a manatee to a high school prom

You certainly aren’t allowed to catch and fry one for dinner. However, if a manatee decides that you might make a tasty snack, and you attempt to prevent it from gnawing on your leg, you’re the one who’ll be in trouble.

What if you are angling for a flounder and a manatee takes the hook just as the game warden wanders by? What then? Does he question you? The manatee? The giggling flounder?

About five or six years ago, during the annual Fernandina Beach chili cookoff, Pajamadave Voorhees of PJD’s notorious 12 South 2^nd Street PJD’s Beer & Wine Garden, and I decided it would be good fun and an attention-grabber to name our Chili Booth entry “Endangered Species Chili”.

We had plastic placemats created with pictures of Florida’s endangered animals that we handed out to the children who were brave enough to taste our concoction.

I recall one kid, who eagerly accepted a placemat set only to return about 30 minutes later handing them back and saying: “My mom says I can’t keep them because you cooked these animals in your chili.” An angry-looking woman stood about 10 feet behind the kid with her arms crossed glaring daggers at us as her kid retuned the placemats containing photos of manatees, loggerhead sea turtles, bald eagles and wood storks.

The boy and his humorless mom were probably visiting from Canada.

***

Fernandina Democrat party strategy session.

Event Planners Not! Congressman Aaron Bean’s real Town Hall conducted March 28 attracted some 10,000 callers. During his live phone event Congressman Bean provided legislative and district updates as well as answering questions and feedback from his Northeast Floridia constituents.

Like a savings account without money the phony Arron Bean Democrat-staged act at the Atlantic Recreation Center March 14 received no interest. The only folks hereabouts impressed with it were the fanatical lunatics that organized it.

As for me, I’m still reveling in schadenfreude following their failed fake event.

The folks that financed the local extremist circus certainly didn’t get their money’s worth. They were 9,800 attendees short of Bean’s event turnout, as only 200 or fewer leftists hooted, hollered, and produced fake tears during the phony event. It made good theater though.

Among those attending the profanity-laced sparsely attended freak show was the pathetic left-wing print News Leader’s pitiful “reporter” with the fortunate name of Julia Roberts, who covered it like it was the Second Coming. The paper printed a top of the front-page bold-faced headline, March 14, blaring: “Voters: Where’s Bean?” A few days later, March 19, it published a rare front page correction apologizing for Ms. Roberts’ lousy, biased and inaccurate reporting.

Local agitator Sheila Cocchi was the local Democrat puppet following orders to stage a sham event.

Alleged reporter Roberts bylined a story at the bottom of the NL’s page 1 about the real March 26 Bean Town Hall. But nowhere in her article did she mention the staged Bean fiasco or her role in sloppily reporting it. Her future bylines should be followed by a disclaimer proclaiming: “Caution! Democrat party communications operative in training.”

Conservative radio host Dana Loesch appeared on Fox News recently discussing the potential backlash from similar fake town hall meetings orchestrated by left-wing activists such as Fernandina’s Cocchi.

According to Loesch these activists have launched tours across the U.S. targeting Republican-led districts. During a recent appearance on “Jesse Watters Primetime,” Loesch said that their events are not only failing to engage the Democratic base but are actively alienating voters.

“They’ve turned voters off. Since they being led by their angriest, most vociferous part of their base, this is going to be a disaster for them,” Loesch said.

Loesch specifically pointed to attempts by activist groups like Cocchi’s to stage town halls targeting Republicans. “There’s this national group, this far-left activist group, that’s been trying to have these fake town halls in states all across the country.”

Loesch explained that there’s a coalition of national Democratic committees, including the DNC, DCCC, and ASDC, that launched the “People’s Town Halls” tour in Republican-held districts across the U.S., which started weeks ago in Iowa.

Democrats have formed a resistance to counter President Donald Trump’s agenda, particularly focusing on the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) led by Elon Musk, which has significantly reduced workforces across various federal agencies. This move to cut unnecessary government spending, expose waste, fraud, and abuse, has prompted widespread Democratic opposition despite extensive approval from the American public.

Most of the speakers at Cocchi’s bogus event appeared as lost as the lone sock in a clothes dryer.

One tearful woman, who claimed she was a fired government employee, but who actually admitted she worked for an NGO, bemoaned that she was fired and the government owed $180 million to the firm where she worked. Nobody, particularly the phony reporter, challenged her or questioned her.

These impotent protesters are like the nut jobs setting Tesla automobiles on fire. How does setting their cars on fire persuade people to vote for their candidate? It only makes them want to do the opposite.

Other speakers at Cocchi’s event were equally confused and befuddled. It was an exhibition of local fruitcakes demonstrating how to embarrass themselves in public.

It’s pointless trying to explain anything to this rabble as Thomas Sowell so eloquently explained it: “It is usually futile to try to talk facts and analysis to people who are enjoying a sense of moral superiority in their ignorance.”

***

A Legal Question: It’s been many weeks now since the Fernandina Beach City Commission told Tammie Bach, the city attorney, to hit the bricks. So, what’s the status on that position now? Is the city going to hire a new attorney? Or is it going to contract out legal issues to local law firms? If the city gets sued who does it call on to represent it? Just curious.

Republished with the author’s permission. Read The Dave Scott Blog– subscribe Free