Opinion
By Dave Scott, 5-12-23
Attention Anheuser-Busch!
Here’s a proposal that could take your terminal Bud Light brand off life support and miraculously breathe new life into that flatlining brewski.
In every bar I’ve been to the past few weeks I hear morbid jokes about the dying brand. Nobody wants it. Even people who traditionally quaff and really liked the stuff don’t want anything to do with it any more. I’ve watched people who have been offered free Bud Lights turn them down.
The LGBTQ+ crowd doesn’t want it either. It’s been reported that gay bars in Chicago are boycotting Bud Light because they say it hasn’t fully supported Dylan Mulvaney, the guy giggler in a tub portrayed holding a Bud Light, who says he’s a gal and is a key player in this marketing mess.
The right’s mad, the left’s mad and Bud’s numbers are bad. And they’re getting worse reports Beer Business Daily.
The Bud Light marketing organization’s incomprehensible decision to align their beer with a transvestite has alienated 99.99 percent of beer-swilling Americans including the brewery’s entire contingent of Bud Light guzzling men. Beer drinking guys don’t want to be associated with a giggling bubble bath-bathing, bra-wearing buffoon boosting a Bud. They say being seen buying or drinking a Bud Light labels them part of that bizarre lifestyle.
While the company’s two marketing geniuses have been exiled to the pit of misery and are shoo ins for the Marketing Hall of Shame, Anheuser-Busch has also reportedly blamed and fired a “third-party ad agency” for the brand’s demise. The promotional fiasco has so far prompted a nationwide sales plunge of almost 25 percent for Bud Light and cost the company about $5 billion.
But wait! I have an idea that will resurrect the sinking brew faster than the firm can blow the head off its “New Coke” promotional disaster.
Are you ready Anheuser Busch? Grab a piece of paper and a pencil and write this down: “Tucker Carlson!”
Tucker is a guy’s kind of guy. Every red-blooded American male would like to have a beer with the likeable outspoken conservative commentator. He had the largest cable news audience in America until Fox, in a Bud Light marketing moment, unceremoniously sacked him.
Bud light had the largest selling beer among men in the U.S. and destroyed that in less than a week while Fox blew up its number one cable rating numbers in just a day.
The marriage of Bud Light and Tucker Carlson is a marketing match made in heaven.
Slap a picture of Tucker on Bud Light cans and the beer’s branding problems are over. They may lose the transgender crowd, but how many of them even drink the stuff? None. They represent less than 0.0001 percent of the population if that. What’s Bud Light got left to lose?
Oh, they’ll lose Democrats. But Democrats don’t buy beer. They demand that others buy it for them or that the breweries give it to them.
The company’s only hurdle now is convincing Tucker. He won’t come cheap, but neither was tanking one of the best selling beer brands in America.
As for Fox News, maybe they can convince Bill O’Reilly to come back. Otherwise, that 8 p.m. weekday slot will continue to hemorrhage viewers.
You’re welcome Anheuser Busch. The invoice is in the mail.
(An abridged version of my above commentary appears in the BPR Biz Pac Review at https://www.bizpacreview.com/2023/05/11/could-tucker-revive-the-flatlining-bud-brand-1358089/ )
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Speaking Of Beer Going Flat: Anheuser-Busch InBev took another hit Wednesday, May 10, as an analyst at HSBC downgraded the beverage giant’s stock from “buy” to “hold” due to the ongoing Bud Light brand crisis. HSBC warned investors there were “deeper problems than ABI admits.”
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A $5 Hot Dog And A $500 Seat: Colleen Angel, the hard-working entrepreneur who owns South 8th Street’s Amelia’s Best Barbershop and Hillbilly Hot Dogs, did a brisk business this past Shrimp Festival.
However, customers to Ms. Angel’s Hillbilly Hot Dog “snack shack” at 401 South 8th had to be careful not to trip over Fernandina Beach’s code enforcement employees who were seem swarming all over the entrepreneur’s business several times this past weekend taking photos, writing notes, and looking puzzled.
The city is determined to fine Ms. Angel or close down her Hillbilly Hot Dog business. They say she has to cough up a $500 impact fee for each seat on her property, at one time telling her she had to pay $4,000 in “impact fees” for a wooden bench they say seats eight people or get rid of it.
A shrewd business person, Ms. Angel figured that since the city says the benches were worth that much, she would add them to her store’s inventory and sell them. Folks seeking to buy benches or tables can stop by her place between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. for one of the more than 20 varieties of hot dogs ranging in price from $5 to $18, a $3 biscuit and gravy plate, a burrito, a hamburger, fried fish sandwich, etc. and try out one of the $550 bench seats she is now selling.
An apparently perplexed city code enforcement crew stopped by at least three times taking notes and snapping photos of the benches says Ms. Angel.
In a series of opinion editorials skewering the city in the bi-weekly print News Leader, local residents Pat Keogh and Glen Stettler have labeled the town “Shakedown City” because of its heavy-handed tactics and exorbitant fee structure, in particular its dealings with Ms. Angel. In some cases, the pair explain in their commentary, the fees are 550 percent higher than the exact same fees in the county for the exact same service.
The duo say that this long-time extortion of local businesses like Ms. Angel’s won’t stop until state law enforcement agencies intervene and bring it to a halt. And they are advocating for that to happen.
The city has been successfully sued twice in the past over this same issue and is currently facing a close to $500,000 suit by a local builder and developer. It is reportedly negotiating a settlement.
The city’s only defense say Keogh and Stettler, is to continue litigating, hoping to drain the plaintiffs financially. Essentially the city is using tax payer money to sue the tax payer to keep them from getting any of their extorted tax money back. The mob would be very envious of such a scheme.
Using these tactics city consigliere Tammi Bach and her Code Enforcement hench men are a cinch for the Criminal Enterprise Hall of Fame.
If f you are a local businessperson who has experienced or currently experiencing a shakedown by the city contact Stettler at [email protected] or Keogh at [email protected]. Or let me know at [email protected]. We will only use your information only after you have given us permission to do so.
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Trump Or DeSantis? Amelia Island is fortunate to host an amazing number of highly respected, informative and well-known authors, pundits, and commentators, some retired and others still scribbling.
One of the most admired and esteemed on a national level is former National Review editor and columnist Neal Freeman, who has also authored two books and was the founding producer of Firing Line.
As the scramble for the GOP Republican Presidential nomination heats up Neal recently penned a National Review piece analyzing Governor Ron DeSantis’ chances at securing that slot saying he’s “on the rebound” in a spectacular way.
Neal cited the governor’s recent legislative victories writing in his May 6 piece:
“The Florida legislature wrapped up its 60-day session on Friday after compiling a breathtaking record of conservative accomplishment. Tort reform. School choice. Tax relief. A pushback on ESG from the pension system and CRT from the classroom. Bans on Chinese land purchases and “reassignment” surgery for minors. Serious efforts to lower drug prices without crimping research incentives, and to impose the death penalty more frequently for heinous crimes. All that and more. “
The “more” includes DeSantis also shepherding the state’s Republican majority to pass bills allowing people to carry concealed weapons without permits; a crackdown on illegal immigration, secured restrictions on drag shows and on spending on college diversity programs while limiting the use of preferred pronouns in K-12 schools.
To read Neal’s informative and analytical piece go to www.nationalreview.com/corner/the-desantis-rebound-begins-now/
On the Donald Trump side of the political ledger historian, author and pundit Victor Davis Hanson makes a strong case for the former President citing his accomplishments in his book “The Case for Trump,” that covers the first half of his presidency.
Hanson cites Trump’s “massive deregulation, stepped up energy production, tax cuts, increased border enforcement, near-record low minority unemployment, a strong stock market and low inflation rates.” In foreign affairs he highlights Trump’s middle east Abraham accords.
From where I sit and from what I’ve heard, the GOP race appears to be between DeSantis, who has yet to announce, and Trump, who keeps gaining steam despite or because of Democrats attacking him through the courts.
All the other announced candidates appear to me to be running for vice president for either DeSantis or Trump.
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A Caution Sign: The local pride organization hereabouts may want to take a look at a situation that occurred on Treasure Coast in southeast Florida this past week.
A Florida LGBTQ+ group there called off its gay pride parade scheduled for this weekend, citing a change in the political climate due to a new bill penalizing those who expose children to “lewd” sexually orientated content and is expected to soon be signed into law by Governor Ron DeSantis.
On Tuesday, May 2, the local pride group swarmed Fernandina Beach City Hall Commission Chambers advocating for its annual Central Park pride festival and parade through town. Folks opposed to certain pride events conducted within sight of children or aimed at them also spoke out.
I’m not saying that the local pride contingent is planning on conducting lewd displays. But the recent events in Treasure Coast should set off alarm bells for the Fernandina crowd to be extra cautious during their planned events.
The parade out of Florida’s Treasure Coast Pride festival, an annual celebration of the LGBTQ+ community, was canceled after a bill prohibiting kids from attending obscene adult performances was passed by the state’s House on April 19.
The Pride Alliance of the Treasure Coast, which organizes the event, announced that other pride events would now be 21-and-older events.
The Pride Alliance of the Treasure Coast announced that its parade would not take place after having multiple conversations with Port St. Lucie officials and other events during Pridefest would be restricted to those 21 years old and older.
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Things I Wish I’d Said: “Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.” – Steven Wright.
Republished with the author’s permission. Read The Dave Scott Blog– subscribe Free
The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Citizens Journal Florida.
