Opinion
By Jeff Childers
11/04/24
We’re almost there! It’s Monday, the 4th of November, Election Day eve. With luck and providence, our national nightmare will soon be over. Trump wasn’t saved from eight assassin’s bullets and a close-to-fatal head wound for nothing. Today’s election eve roundup includes: C&C’s presidential endorsement; an update on Peanut the Squirrel makes his untimely seizure and execution even more atrocious; far-left corporate media outlet makes surprising Ukraine comparison; unintentionally hilarious bathroom humor from the Washington Post signals Democrat dismay; and crazy conspiracy fluoride platform signals sanity returning to a sickened nation.
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🔥🔥 After carefully considering all the competing issues and comparing the candidates’ platforms, Coffee & Covid is prepared to endorse the country’s 47th president. At first, the experts had convinced us that Trump’s tariffs would destroy the economy, while Kamala’s price controls on milk, squirrel pellets, and other grocery goods would create a new Golden Age. But then I woke up, and realized it was all just a bizarre dream caused by accidentally eating two melatonin gummies (I forgot I’d already had one).
Without further fanfare, C&C hereby endorses Donald J. Trump for President of the United States. Let’s Make America Healthy and Great Again! (And help save the cats, dogs, and even people’s pet tree rats.)
🐿️🐿️ Peanut Update: several alert readers in yesterday’s comments suggested that squirrels are not, in fact, rabies vectors, making the State of New York’s claims about confiscating and executing Peanut the Squirrel even dumber and more irrational that they first appeared.
So, being somewhat time-pressed, I asked ChatGPT, and it promptly agreed that squirrel bites do not automatically require rabies treatment:
It’d be one thing if they didn’t know. But Peanut was kidnapped by self-described wildlife experts. Only hysterical, germaphobic, hypochondriacal medical fetishists would freak out and immediately kill a valuable and beloved social media squirrel for rabies testing.
These people are a menace. They need mental health treatment; they should be nowhere close to running anything, except maybe the asylum’s towel-folding station. Maybe. We’ll have to see how they do with the washcloths first.
🚀🚀 On Saturday, Business Insider unironically complimented Ukraine with a very surprising comparison, headlined “Ukraine fooled Russia with the same deceptions Germany used at WWII’s Battle of the Bulge.” Clever Ukrainians! In other words, BI positively compared Ukraine to clever Nazis. Isn’t it weird how excited and happy they get whenever they find real Nazis?
One begins to think people who work for corporate media are clueless nitwits lacking the capacity for independent thought who don’t know basic facts about world history. I blame the public schools.
🔥🔥 The “polls” remain neck-and-neck, but this kind of thing is not signaling confidence. The original ad was bad enough. The Washington Post amplified a widely-reported story, almost surely intended to help spread the goofy message about which it was supposedly reporting. I don’t think this is anywhere near as helpful as they think. Here’s the headline, you tell me:
Haha, “in a bathroom stall!” You can’t make this stuff up. The actual message: vote for Harris and flush your future down the toilet. So funny. Or, Kamala can be our dirty little secret. You get the idea; take it away in the comments.
Anyway, the WaPo hallucinated, or maybe hoped for, a post-it note movement, secretly spreading all across the land, tacked up in bathroom stalls at truck stops, on toilet tanks in adult toy stores, on sinks at sketchy gas stations, which will finally liberate America’s enslaved conservative women!
(Note: I’m 100% sure the reporter faked all those post-it notes. I would bet a week’s salary on it. They’re such liars. The story didn’t even claim the picture was authentic. It was just there. Those dummies made it up.)
Good luck finding any woman who’ll admit to being a vote slave. “Not me,” they’ll say, “other women.” In other words, in their twisted, surreal imaginations, manless liberal women think married conservative women must be slave voters, who just need a sly post-it nudge of encouragement from their single sisters, to cast off the yoke and oppression of the dark shadow of the Patriarchy.
Women! Tear off your bonds of mental domination! It’s that easy! All you need is a 2-inch-by-2-inch piece of paper! The Patriarchy, apparently, was a paper tiger all along. A tiny tiger of a Patriarchy that fits on a postie.
Or, the truth is that Harris is not polling well with women. Any women. But they can’t admit it. So they came up with this bizarre campaign.
I was willing to overlook that ridiculous ad caricaturing MAGA husbands and wives as a one-off. But after seeing this article, it’s clear the Dems have obviously come up an entire desperate campaign aimed squarely at Kamala’s base. They must have detected in the internal polls and focus groups that nobody wants to admit they’re voting for Kamala.
Perhaps it’s not surprising that the most unlikable candidate any political party has ever run, Kamala Harris, could be losing women, even single white women, who remain Democrats’ electoral firewall. The dimbulbs in Kamala’s campaign must be terrified and baffled. How could this happen?
In their jaded and perverted worldview, there can be only one explanation: conservative men, using Kreskin-like mind dominance, are forcing women to vote for Trump.
The funniest thing is that my wife, Michelle, is a harder-core conservative than I am. She was once thrown in Twitter jail for tweeting she wanted to punch Biden in the throat (figuratively speaking, I’m sure). They definitely don’t want to know what she would do with their silly post-it note if she found it in the bathroom. Probably wipe something with it.
Anyway—this Democrat postie note campaign, if it even exists, is a sign of wild desperation. When the history books are written on Kamala’s failed campaign, there’ll be an entire chapter on “Vote for Harris but Tell Everybody You Voted for Trump.”
🔥🔥 This weekend, the Washington Post ran a biting but very encouraging story headlined, “Trump will push to get fluoride out of drinking water, RFK Jr. says.” That much was true, RFK did say that:
It might have been the fairest WaPo story I’ve ever seen. Meaning, fair for the WaPo. I expected an all-out effort to paint Trump and RFK as tinfoil-underpants-wearing conspiracy theorists. Shockingly, it only slyly hinted in that direction. Something held it back. Maybe the emerging truth.
Granted, the article was packed with pro-fluoride propaganda, including a tender recitation of fluoride’s halcyon American history (the waste chemical was first salted into Michigan’s water supply in 1945). But surprisingly, it also included two short segments questioning the fluoride narrative. Here’s the first one:
Fluoride supporters often reflexively claim, without evidence, that there are thousands of studies showing water fluoridation is safe. Thousands! But attorney Michael Connett, who prosecuted the recent successful anti-fluoride lawsuit in California, got the chance to depose all the major involved agencies, including all the usual 3-letter suspects. Guess what they all said? They weren’t aware of a single study showing neurological safety following fluoride exposure.
Maybe the WaPo was forced by circumstances to take a more neutral tone. But take a moment to reflect on how far and how quickly we’ve come.
Four years ago, a political candidate who even asked questions about fluoride would have crashed and burned faster than a billion-dollar F-35 fighter jet. Four years ago, the WaPo wouldn’t have even bothered treating this story like a real news issue. Instead, it would have run a tongue-in-cheek story about the history of conspiracy theories, starting with the Germanic Tribes blaming malodorous vapors and vile effusions for the bubonic plague.
The WaPo hasn’t changed—the public’s perception has. The WaPo is still at it. Another WaPo story this weekend leaned harder into the conspiracy angle, featuring the alarming headline “GOP’s closing election message on health baffles strategists, worries experts.” Experts baffled again.
But even that article was quietly rebellious, quoting convicted investment fraudster and known pharma shill Martin Shkreli. A worse choice for an anti-Kenney, pro-FDA quote can hardly be imagined:
But despite corporate media’s flailing efforts to slam shut the Overton Window, we are now having something close to a civil public debate about fluoride. In fact, one of the two major political parties, the party currently leading the race, is practically running on a promise to ban fluoride in drinking water. For the Overton Window to shift this far, a ton of regular folks had to become willing to re-consider the conventional narrative and question their assumptions about the government’s good intentions.
It would have been the simplest thing in the world for Attorney Connett’s federal judge to shut his case down by refusing to approve his subpoenas to federal officials. That’s what I would have expected, before the pandemic. Judges aren’t required to let litigants pursue wild conspiracy theories by deposing public health agency managers; those public servants could get nothing done if they had to sit for a deposition every time they swiveled their office chairs around.
Regardless of what happens tomorrow, things have moved a long way in a good direction. Get ready.
Have a magnificent Monday! Procrastinators: schedule time to vote tomorrow. If you already voted, nag everybody else, etc. It is our time to shine. Come back here tomorrow morning for some Election Day encouragement.
Don’t race off! We cannot do it alone. Consider joining up with C&C to help move the nation’s needle and change minds. I could sure use your help getting the truth out and spreading optimism and hope, if you can: ☕ Learn How to Get Involved 🦠
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The views expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Citizens Journal Florida
