Opinion
By Jeff Childers
07-09-24
Good morning, C&Cers, it’s Tuesday! As the Simulation continues shorting out, we bring you today’s roundup of essential news and commentary: Joe Biden defiant as undermining corporate media does some deep digging and dishes some brain-damage dirt; allies begin preparing for the worst-case scenario—the Return of Trump; in Florida, the Satanists vs. Governor DeSantis matchup begins pre-planning the big fight; and my apologia to President Macron for my thoughtless words yesterday, plus weird similarities between his and Biden’s mutual media meltdown.
🗞💬 WORLD NEWS AND COMMENTARY 💬🗞
🔥🔥 The Great Democrat Party Train Wreck of 2024 continued piling up yesterday, as the New York Times breathlessly ran its crack investigative story headlined, “Parkinson’s Expert Visited the White House Eight Times in Eight Months.” The Times leaned on its lone remaining investigative reporter who, after a desperate search, panicking editors finally found chained up in a sub-basement server closet in a Times storage facility in Camden, New Jersey.
Editors quickly force-fed the dusty reporter a high-calorie meal consisting of a Starbucks “coffee” milkshake. Once he was revived and came to his senses, the antique reporter began organizing teams of flabby laptop “journalists” and teaching them how to investigate Mr. Biden’s mental condition. They worked around the clock! Genius and diligence finally paid off, as it usually does. Displaying the kind of creative thinking, grit, and elbow grease on which the Times built its reputation, the squads of information diggers attacked the problem head on, and heroically checked the public White House visitor’s log.
They showed the logs to the guy from the basement in Camden, since all current-era reporters become suddenly stricken with snow blindness if they accidentally see the White House visitor logs. What does it say?, they asked. Blinking owl-like in the unfamiliar light, the ancient investigative reporter pointed to several lines on the logs. To the amazement of the Times’ journalism team, he managed to say, “see? Biden probably has Parkinson’s.”
The Times’ regular reporters cannot look directly at the logs. It hurts too much. So the journalists quickly grabbed a mirror, and saw in its reflection the thing they had missed for Biden’s entire term. Eureka! Then they locked the old guy back in the basement.
Having discovered that a top Parkinson’s expert had visited the White House once a month for at least the last eight months, the Times’ exhausted reporting team lay down to recover and feebly slurp some more milkshakes. Here’s what they found:
Whew! Good thing we have the Times, or nobody would have ever known. By “nobody,” I mean no corporate media reporter would have known, of course, since until last week they’d always fussily ignored plain evidence of Biden’s incomprehensive utterings, mumbling, and mental dissolution. Only conspiracy theorists would have known about Biden’s Parkinson’s expert and his monthly appointment.
To be fair, the White House has officially denied everything, sort of, asking “who knows who the Parkinson’s expert was visiting?” It could be the guy who left the cocaine in the library, or anyone, really. It’s a mystery for the ages, and there is simply no way to tell. The cameras were off and the guards were sleeping. Maybe he was just looking around like a J6 tourist?
But yesterday was a different kind of day. The hounds of media war had slipped their leashes at yesterday’s daily White House press conference. Unfortunate diversity hire Karine Von Claude (or whatever her name is) finally, for the first time in her short career, met the press, and the clip is video gold:
CLIP: Three minutes of glory while KJP finally gets the Trump Treatment (3:35).
“Doctor” Jill Biden also met her very first tough question yesterday, which she adroitly handled by deflecting and leaping into a black Suburban.
CLIP: Jill Biden also meets the press (0:30).
Next, you heard it in C&C first. Yesterday, Business Insider ran this prophetic headline:
It’s war! Team Biden tripled down yesterday, publicly releasing a dense, two-page, well-written, single-spaced letter to Democrats from Joe Biden* that, boiled down, said “get lost. I’m not going anywhere.” (* haha, nobody believes Joe wrote it, be serious.) Joe’s letter dumped the Democrats into a sweet pickle relish. They now must decide whether to rise the white flag, and try to pull back the tattered curtains of cognitive secrecy, or else declare all-out war against the White House.
Surrender seems likely. Late yesterday, some media started getting wobbly, like CNN, which ran this story early this morning:
Biden is scheduled to give “opening remarks” at the NATO Conference this morning, and has widely advertised an “unscripted,” no-holds-barred press conference on Thursday. So what CNN was really saying was that Biden can rehabilitate his presidential reputation, by showing up strong this week at NATO, which could give Democrats cover to claim Joe bested “the test” by (1) leading the Democrat party (through his defiant letter) and (2) leading the free world at the NATO conference.
Anguished anti-Turnip Democrats must now decide: make peace or make war. Not about the wars with Iran, China, Ukraine or Russia, haha, don’t be silly. But about the civil war inside the Democrat party. And neither option currently looks very good.
🔥 Meanwhile, outside the U.S., allies and enemies began preparing for “Plan B,” which is the previously-unthinkable: a Trump election. Politico ran the story yesterday headlined, “The world wasn’t ready for Trump in 2016. It’s not making that mistake this time.” The sub-headline explained, “America’s NATO allies are ramping up weapons production, consulting Donald Trump’s advisers and holding secret meetings with each other to feverishly lay the groundwork for his return.” They can’t wait.
To say the NATO leaders would rather not see President Trump back in the wartime saddle is like saying that rats don’t want bobcats showing up at their gala tenth reunion party. Hungry felines change the whole tone of the affair. During his time in office, Trump demanded that NATO countries pay their fair share of defending the 30-member alliance, instead of always claiming they left their wallets in their other pants. Which makes President Trump about as popular as an IRS auditor crashing an accountants’ convention in Maui.
Politico split its coverage into (a) countries’ efforts to “Trump-proof” the world, and (b) their simultaneous outreach to make friends with him. The Trump-proofing consisted of a single decision to move NATO’s Ukraine war planning offices out of a U.S. military base, over to a NATO-controlled building in Brussels. That’s the best they could come up with. And they are still arguing about who pays for the movers. Plus, European movers only work on alternate Tuesdays between 11am and 2pm. So that idea isn’t going anywhere fast.
So instead, or also, European leaders have been scrambling to get on Trump’s good side:
The bottom line is that outside the U.S., the tide is turning, as the rest of the world reads the tea leaves and starts thinking there is no realistic way President Turnip can be re-elected, and it will be President Trump instead.
🔥 In another bizarre Sign of the Times, the UK Guardian ran a superstitious story yesterday headlined, “Satanists to volunteer in Florida schools in protest at DeSantis religious bill.” A basket of new K-12 laws took effect in Florida yesterday, including a brand-new law allowing public schools to hire chaplains. So the Left deployed its perennial “anti-religious” shock troops, the Satanic Temple, and its Democrat crowd-favorite, the After School Satan clubs for kids.
As the Guardian aptly described, over the years, the Temple and its A.S.S. clubs have bullied many other states, and pushed around other Governors who tremulously backed away from restoring even the tiniest scraps of historic Christian norms to public schools.
But Governor DeSantis isn’t having it. He said, “bring it on:”
The fly in the Temple’s ‘Dark Arts hemorrhoid cream’ is its too-clever-by-half attempt to have it both ways. On one hand, they claim they don’t worship the Dark Lord, not really, but rather just prop him up as a figurehead for “rebellion” and science:
As you can see, the Satanic Temple is a basically harmless and widely misunderstood organization dedicated to instructing America’s youth in scientific principles like the phases of the Moon and the best times for conducting science experiments like sacrificing farm animals at midnight. But, and this is the point, they don’t really worship the devil.
But if they don’t really worship anything, how can it be a religion? Science, after all, is widely advertised as the opposite of religion, even though Christians invented the damned thing, a decision they probably wish they could take over again. I’ll grant you that many “scientists” act like they are acolytes of some mystery religion,* but still. (* See, e.g., climate change, covid shots, and pandemic panics.)
In April, 2019, one day after drinking far too much champagne at the annual accountants’ conference in Maui, the Internal Revenue Service took two Tylenol PM by accident. Before slumping over on their desks, they approved the Satanic Temple as a non-theistic tax-exempt religious organization. Mostly because the Satanists compared themselves to certain atheistic variants of Buddhism, but without all the meditating and sitting around. Who has time for that?
And so began the Satanic Common Era, where a smelly pack of overweight, blue-haired morons with face tattoos began swanking around and claiming that the “government approved their religion,” a ‘religion’ that mostly consists of playing video games, munching on designer recreational drugs, and angrily brooding about how Christians refuse to do it too.
But the truth is, only tax auditors have approved their Satanic non-religion as a “religion.” The Supreme Court has never had the chance to weigh in. Governor DeSantis —himself a lawyer— appears ready to bring that fight. “Go ahead, make my day,” he said, and the Nation may soon get the chance to reconsider the Satanic Temple’s tax-exempt status.
🔥🔥 If there is one thing that we are diligent about here at C&C, it is responding to reader feedback. When we have time. You guys post a lot of comments. Anyway, yesterday some alert readers expressed exasperation, feeling that I was too hard on French President Macron while reporting on the historic political developments in that country. So today I would like to clarify my previous remarks. Please understand: I am always working under a tight deadline, and unfortunately readers must sometimes wrestle with writing that could, possibly, have been better considered given more editorial time.
For the record: I did not mean to call Mr. Macron “short.” I apologize. In fairness to the long-standing President of France, a country with deep historic connections to the United States, which supported our country during the Revolution and once gifted us a terrific statue, I would like to show proper respect and modify my earlier comments. President Macron does not look “short.” He looks like an undersized ferret.
Or, if you prefer, consider Politico’s piece yesterday, which started off well with a very complimentary-sounding headline, “The magnificent mind of Emmanuel Macron:”
Politico’s reporter did not make the same mistake that I regretfully made. She never called Macron short. She called him charming, handsome, large-handed (!), and “bantam-sized:”
She also hinted that he’s gay:
To be clear, dear readers, I am not implying any of these things. I learned my lesson. I’m just telling you what corporate media is saying about the man who disrupted the globalists’ goals by calling for a disastrous snap election in a fit of fondue-fueled pique. For all I know, and giving him the full benefit of the doubt, Macron is not gay, he’s undoubtedly just avoiding even the appearance of impropriety by constantly surrounding himself with attractive young men who are totally fascinated by Mr. Macron and his ability to get them permanently lodged in high-paying, low-accountability government jobs.
I wish that were the end of the article’s invidious commentary. But Politico’s reporter “went there” and brought up the sorest Macronian subject of all: his wife Bridgette, who was 54 when Macron married her aged 27, and I appreciate how unfair that criticism is, since if a 54-year-old man married a 27-year old woman, corporate media would tear him a new one. Anyway:
So, in the end, we see that Macron is being unfairly criticized, alas, even on Coffee & Covid, for what should be praiseworthy primness: his lack of out-of-wedlock children and his admirable absence of extramarital affairs. Politics is a very strange thing. So is character assassination.
But the bottom line is: don’t make problems for globalists.
Anyway, the reason I brought the French President up at all is that, after exploding the globalists’ smoothly-running European plan, Macron is now taking friendly fire following a Bidenic media about-face. A few short weeks ago, Macron was an untouchable media darling, the media’s mental giant (if not a physical one), and was Joe Biden’s best buddy in Europe. You’ll recall how happily the two presidents froliced together at the recent D-Day celebrations. But now, the ferret-like French President suffers from constant negative corporate media coverage, like this character assassination “story.”
Both presidents met the real, haglike media for the first time this week.
Are Joe’s and Emmanuel’s prospects sinking together for some reason? I just report. You decide. Let me know what you think in the comments. And remember, I did not mean to call Macron “short,” and I apologized. So.
Have a terrific Tuesday! I’ll be back tomorrow with all your essential news. In the meantime, keep those caissons rolling along, whatever that means, but I’m pretty sure rolling is good and stopping is bad. Or something. See you in the morning.
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© 2022, Jeff Childers, all rights reserved
The views expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Citizens Journal Florida
